The point is, if you don’t set
your own personal boundaries,
others will set them for you.
That’s where the real problems start.
And that’s why learning how to set your personal limits could be a good start to develop personally by getting and keeping a positive self-image, by having your very own methods to communicate to and connect with others. First, let’s see…
What are personal limits?
Personal limits are the physical, emotional and mental restrictions you set and communicate with others to protect yourself from being manipulated or controlled by others – including even your loved ones. Individual limits enable you to make clear to everyone around you who you are, what you think and what your values are.
Next, let’s talk about…
Why should you communicate your personal boundaries?
First, setting your personal boundaries is vital to establish and keep self-respect and a positive self-image. Knowing your personal worth and the value you represent as a person, helps to prevent from being “used” and manipulated. Second, by communicating your own individual limits you can recognize and acknowledge similar values in other individuals.
We must recognize that each one of us is a unique individual with emotions, needs, feelings and preferences. And we must accept and acknowledge that each one of us has its own personal boundaries or individual limits. Just think about your spouse, kids, friends…
Let me ask you this:
Do you think it is possible to live and maintain healthy relationships and connections each one of us needs in life without setting and communicating clearly our individual limitations? Certainly, it is not.
To set and communicate individual limits means you know who you are, you are in control of your life and ready to take responsibility.
How to set your individual limits?
1. Learn to say “no” – without feeling bad or guilty.
At first sight, this may seem selfish, even a bit egocentric. But think about it…
How often did you say “yes” to something you didn’t want to do, just to please someone?
How often did you postpone your own needs and desires and did things that might have not been beneficial to you, to your own well-being, just because you did not want to look selfish or to offend someone? Therefore, step #1 in setting individual limits is: learn to say “no”.
2. Identify other people’s behaviours and actions that you consider inappropriate. Let them know that they have crossed the “invisible line”. There is no need to accept bad behaviour or disrespect.
3. Allow yourself to be who you are. Don’t allow other people model or manipulate you.
4. Rely on yourself and give yourself the space you need to develop personally. Never forget your own needs and don’t give up your dreams.
5. Start living the life you enjoy and don’t allow anyone to take control over your life.
How to recognize unhealthy individual limits
Here are some signals to recognize unhealthy individual limits:
1. Feeling bad and/or guilty when you say “no”
2. Let others decide for you upon good or bad and control your life
3. Giving too much just for the sake of giving
4. Expecting others to know about your needs and desires and to fill them automatically
5. Going against personal values in order to please others.
Let’s sum it up:
Become conscious of your true values and desires and define them. Set your individual limits and let others know when they cross the line. Make clear that they can expect as much help and respect from you as they are willing to give you. Allow yourself to be who you really are and live the life you want to live by communicating your personal boundaries to those around you. And never ever let others define you.